I’ve had numerous sympathetic conversations with people saying, “I
wish there was something I could do for you.” I tried my best to be
gracious and thankful for the thoughts and support. Then, I let those
people know that they could help simply by forwarding my résumé and
marketing plan to anyone and everyone they felt might benefit from it. I
surprised myself with how broad I allowed others to reach for me. Broad reaching
is not the same as desperation. I was anxious to get a job, but
more importantly, I was open to taking chances with other industries
where I may have had less experience. It opened me up to companies that
had creative and innovative cultures receptive to individuals who could
make a difference, regardless of that individual’s background.

By taking a specific action, your support system does more than just be
there for you. I had numerous unexpected business prospects come to
light because someone knew someone who knew someone else. I’ve always
been thankful for this type of assistance, but I often waited passively
for it to happen. I had to start asking directly for assistance to have someone
pass my information on to others. I was putting those who cared the
most about me to work—and it was worth it. In reality, I knew it wasn’t
really too much effort to send a quick email or make a simple phone call
to connect us together. I had learned that I was passively making assumptions
when I really wanted action taken. As previously stated, hope isn’t
going to make my needed connections. I learned to make it clear what I
wanted. When done professionally, I didn’t feel I was pushy—I was just
moving along someone’s “wish” that there was something they could do
for me. Conversely, I knew how much better they felt about themselves
for being an active part of the team effort. Helping to facilitate the future
direction for someone should make them feel good. As noted in the acknowledgements,
I am so appreciative of my entire support system.

Thomas B. Dowd III’s books available in softcover, eBook, and audiobook (From Fear to Success only):

• Now What? The Ultimate Graduation Gift for Professional Success
• Time Management Manifesto: Expert Strategies to Create an Effective Work/Life Balance
• Displacement Day: When My Job was Looking for a Job…A Reference Guide to Finding Work
• The Transformation of a Doubting Thomas: Growing from a Cynic to a Professional in the Corporate World
• From Fear to Success: A Practical Public-speaking Guide received the Gold Medal at the 2013 Axiom Business Book Awards in Business Reference
• The Unofficial Guide to Fatherhood

See “Products” for details on www.transformationtom.com.  Book , eBook, and audiobook (From Fear to Success only) purchase options are also available on Amazon- Please click the link to be re-directed: Amazon.com

Of course, we all have our usual social circle. Many times, I found
myself too tired or unmotivated to catch up with them while I
was unemployed. It’s easy to come up with excuses after a significant life
change like being laid off. You may not be feeling sociable, or maybe
you don’t want to spend unnecessary money. I agree with the importance
of paying attention to the budget, but when you’re invited to a friend’s
house, I suggest going if you can—even when you don’t want to. You
need a social support circle as much as a professional network at this time.
This is less about having people feel sorry for you, and more about having
a needed break or distraction. You may even find a few fresh ideas coming
from those who know you best.

Thomas B. Dowd III’s books available in softcover, eBook, and audiobook (From Fear to Success only):

• Now What? The Ultimate Graduation Gift for Professional Success
• Time Management Manifesto: Expert Strategies to Create an Effective Work/Life Balance
• Displacement Day: When My Job was Looking for a Job…A Reference Guide to Finding Work
• The Transformation of a Doubting Thomas: Growing from a Cynic to a Professional in the Corporate World
• From Fear to Success: A Practical Public-speaking Guide received the Gold Medal at the 2013 Axiom Business Book Awards in Business Reference
• The Unofficial Guide to Fatherhood

See “Products” for details on www.transformationtom.com.  Book , eBook, and audiobook (From Fear to Success only) purchase options are also available on Amazon- Please click the link to be re-directed: Amazon.com

Although I had revisited older contacts occasionally over the years,
my own job search made it clear how essential it is to keep those older
network contacts alive. In routine networking sessions, I’ve gone back
to past colleagues, for example, to “reinvent” myself if they had a negative
perception of past work. However, the number of contacts I had that I
hadn’t been in contact with, in some cases for over ten years, was a wakeup
call. I realized that merely having names on a list was not a network. I
needed to keep old connections alive, so I started to go back and rebuild
those relationships. I didn’t want a snapshot from over ten years ago—or
even just a couple of years—to be the lasting image we had of each other.
I found rekindling the professional relationship created some great memories
and was an easy transition into getting to know each other again.

How do you go back to someone you haven’t worked with or spoken
to in years and say, “I need you”? First, reframe the question: is it really
about need, or is it about want? I started by thinking I needed to speak to
people to help me in my pursuit of a new job, but quickly realized how
much I wanted to catch up with those people. Even if an old contact is
in a different business field or a different company, the phone call can
still be made. When I was talking with colleagues from the distant past,
I found people had selective memories. The conversations tended to lean
toward the good times or the progress we’d made since we last talked,
versus some potentially rocky times we may have had. By restoring past
professional relationships, I found I was improving personal relationships
and enhancing dormant ones. The process of reinvigorating the network
was a great exercise in reformulating opinions about my former colleagues
and myself and infusing old relationships with mutual trust and respect.

How do you go about sending that out-of-the-blue email or making
the potentially awkward call? This is no time to be hesitant. It is only as
awkward as you make it. Avoid phrases like, “Sorry to bother you,” or, “I
know we haven’t spoken in over ten years…” It’s important to clearly state
your objectives, and one of them is to reconnect with past colleagues—or
business partners, clients, etc. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable enough to
share what’s happening to you professionally and what you hope to glean
from the networking session. You shouldn’t be looking for sympathy, but
you should be straightforward. A recurring theme throughout this book
is the understanding of the importance of knowing the wants and needs
of others you’ve crossed paths within the past. If you don’t know, it’s
alright to ask the question directly, “What can I do for you?” In the most
selfish of situations of needing a job, thinking of others can be a mutually
strong tool for long-term success for both of you. You shouldn’t intentionally
be looking for reciprocity. Instead, every conversation should be
a mutually flowing conversation of genuine interest in which these former
colleagues and contacts have been since you last connected. It’s alright
to be a little nervous until you get comfortable. You will find that these
conversations happen each day in business and after a couple of sessions,
you’ll gain confidence.

Thomas B. Dowd III’s books available in softcover, eBook, and audiobook (From Fear to Success only):

• Now What? The Ultimate Graduation Gift for Professional Success
• Time Management Manifesto: Expert Strategies to Create an Effective Work/Life Balance
• Displacement Day: When My Job was Looking for a Job…A Reference Guide to Finding Work
• The Transformation of a Doubting Thomas: Growing from a Cynic to a Professional in the Corporate World
• From Fear to Success: A Practical Public-speaking Guide received the Gold Medal at the 2013 Axiom Business Book Awards in Business Reference
• The Unofficial Guide to Fatherhood

See “Products” for details on www.transformationtom.com.  Book , eBook, and audiobook (From Fear to Success only) purchase options are also available on Amazon- Please click the link to be re-directed: Amazon.com

Interestingly enough, some people I would have bet my new job’s salary
on as most likely to respond to my request, never sent a note back or returned
my call. I learned not to be surprised, for a variety of reasons: people
may have been scared for their own jobs; people may not have known what
to say, so they used silence; I might have had the wrong contact information
(e.g., I found typos in some of my contact information); people were on
vacation or out of the office; or people didn’t always keep up with updating
their own contact information on social media sites (e.g., LinkedIn). In
all cases, I hold myself fully accountable for not having established a more
predictable relationship during the networking process. I needed to follow
up more often, and maintain stronger ties to ensure contact information
remained current. Networking is not a check-the-box exercise. Like any
strong relationship, it takes ongoing work and maintenance. The work becomes
harder if you are making up for lost time. I stopped being surprised
when I didn’t get return calls, and instead set in motion action plans to get
more creative in my attempts to contact people—meaning I didn’t rely solely
on emails, I tried contacts at different times, and I followed up.

It’s important to understand that you are not stalking or annoying
people in your attempt to contact them. However, by holding myself
accountable, I was digging down deep in questioning how accurately I
understood my own network. We get too comfortable, at times, in our
dependence on our network by thinking it truly is a net. It is a net only
if we weave it properly, using people we can depend on. Stop making
assumptions about your own network and start being an active part of it.
You will build mutually stronger and deeper relationships.

Thomas B. Dowd III’s books available in softcover, eBook, and audiobook (From Fear to Success only):

• Now What? The Ultimate Graduation Gift for Professional Success
• Time Management Manifesto: Expert Strategies to Create an Effective Work/Life Balance
• Displacement Day: When My Job was Looking for a Job…A Reference Guide to Finding Work
• The Transformation of a Doubting Thomas: Growing from a Cynic to a Professional in the Corporate World
• From Fear to Success: A Practical Public-speaking Guide received the Gold Medal at the 2013 Axiom Business Book Awards in Business Reference
• The Unofficial Guide to Fatherhood

See “Products” for details on www.transformationtom.com.  Book , eBook, and audiobook (From Fear to Success only) purchase options are also available on Amazon- Please click the link to be re-directed: Amazon.com